sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
Randomize
