I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
where are my eyebrows?
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
