He is such a slut. More and more my type.
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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