No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Randomize
