Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
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