If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
Randomize
