Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
Randomize
