ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
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