Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
Randomize
