I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
Randomize
