Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Randomize
