Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
Someone signed my nipple.
Randomize
