week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
Of course I have a pirate flag
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Randomize
