Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
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