So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
Randomize
