summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
Randomize
