I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
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