I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize
