not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Randomize
