I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
My vagina just recognized that song.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
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