the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
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