If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Randomize
