I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
Randomize
