We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize
