omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
Randomize
