i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
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