Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
You know, be my cock's hype man.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
Randomize
