Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
Why is there bacon in the couch?
Randomize
