Fine. I'll sleep in my office
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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