Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Randomize
