I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
I touched a dick in church today
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
Randomize
