new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize
