I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
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