i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
Then you guys just all showered together...?
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
