He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
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