I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Randomize
