girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
