got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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