what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
Randomize
