I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
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