somebody snuck up and got me drunk
I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
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