I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
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