ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Randomize
