Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
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