Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
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