in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
Randomize
