i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Randomize
