Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
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