another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
Randomize
