xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
