im drinking this country out of the recession.
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
